Models: Attract Women Through Honesty

By : Mark Manson

Completely re-engineered method to get good with women! Really interesting book, highly recommend 

Key Takeaways

  1. What I recommend to every man before he even begins talking to women is to sit down for a while and ask himself a few questions:

    • What do you value in a woman? Honesty? Beauty? Affection? Intelligence? Curiosity? Similar interests? Education? Obviously, the answer is “all of the above”, right? So let me rephrase the question: what do you value the most? What is an absolute deal-breaker in the women you date? Prioritize what you look for in a woman. This will help you decide where to look.

  2. My patented masturbation and porn diet that I give to men.

    • End all pornography immediately. Starting today. Delete everything from your computer. Throw out any discs or DVDs you have. And if you have trouble controlling your urges, download some free website blocking software and block every porn site you know of indefinitely. This may sound horrible or extreme, but trust me. You will thank me in a month.

    • Limit your masturbation to once a week. Schedule it. Pick a day. I usually pick Monday. Do not deviate from your masturbation schedule! If you want even a larger dose of motivation (and you want to be as horny as a 14-year old), limit your masturbation to once every other week. Again, pick a day and hold yourself to it.

    • When you masturbate, you’re only allowed to fantasize about women you’ve met and have not had sex with. It could be that woman at work. That girl you met Saturday night. The girl you have a date with that week. Whatever. But she has to be real, and she has to be someone you have not slept with (but obviously want to).

    • When you masturbate, use lotion or lube. Do it slower than usual. Drag it out longer than 10 minutes if you can. Take your time with it. Enjoy it. You don’t get to do this every day, remember?

  3. The Guide to Overcoming Your Anxiety

    • Fear is normal. Everyone has it in some form, and it's not going away anytime soon. The trick isn't to eliminate it; it's simply to train yourself to behave despite it.

    • The proper way to handle your fear and your anxiety is to accept it, recognize that it’s normal and a part of who you are, and to not even try to hide it from the woman you’re meeting.

    • So it’s less about the anxiety and more about how competent you feel you are. The less competent you feel, the more the anxiety will hinder you, the more confident you are in your ability, the more the anxiety will help you.

    • The way to attack anxieties is through incremental, consistent exposure. Not single, extreme exposure. So for instance, you could take an afternoon or your lunch break each day and make a point to approach a few women just asking for the time. Nothing more is required, just ask what time it is. Find something easy, but repeat it regularly for a while, until it doesn’t feel difficult anymore. Then the next week, you go out and ask women what time it is followed by, “How is your day going?” And each day, you slowly make it harder and more intensive.

  4. The blueprint of seduction: a strong, high status, attractive exterior (lifestyle and looks), fearless, and able to open up and share your vulnerable side with her. Women get weak in the knees for this shit. And it’s not even conscious most of the time.

  5. Guidelines for a good first impressions

    • Do not startle or scare her when you approach her. This is possibly the only death knell for approaching women. If you startle her or scare her when she first meets you, in my experience, there is almost absolutely nothing you can do to recover.

    • When in doubt on how to approach a woman, simply walk up and introduce yourself and explain to her that you wanted to meet her.

    • Don’t linger. If you linger and hover around her, it’s almost guaranteed to make the approach feel awkward and forced.

Notes

Introduction

 

  • Your failures with women aren’t caused because you say the wrong thing or look like the wrong guy. Words and appearances are merely a symptom of a greater internal problem. Your failures happen because you grew up emotionally ill equipped to deal with women, and more specifically, intimacy. 

  • Until you learn to trust your own actions and learn to pursue women with your own unique style and personality, you have learned absolutely nothing.

  • Words are the side effect. Sex is the side effect. The game is emotions, emotions through movement. If you learn anything from this book, let that be it.

 

Part 1 : Reality

 

Chapter 1 : Non-Neediness

  • A man's attractiveness is inversely proportional to how needy he is.

  • Paradoxically, a man’s lack of need for attention and admiration is itself a magnet for attention and admiration.

  • The needy man tries to control what others think and feel more than what he thinks and feels himself. The non-needy man is more concerned with controlling his own thoughts and feelings rather than the thoughts and feelings of others.

  • As a man, you should not be willing to sacrifice your thoughts, feelings, and motivations for someone else more than they sacrifice theirs for you.

  • It’s important to note that non-neediness doesn’t mean you should only care about yourself. This is narcissism, and although it might get you laid, it is not attractive and will result in dysfunctional relationships.

  • Seduction is the process by which a man induces a woman to become as invested in him as he is in her.

  • There are two ways for seduction to happen: 

    • 1) a man creates the perception that he is far less invested in her than he actually is (neediness disguised as non-neediness), and 

    • 2) a man actually is less invested in her (genuine non-neediness).

  • Learning techniques and pick up lines without doing genuine, identity-level work in order to permanently decrease your neediness ends up only being a band-aid solution. It provides a short, temporary relief from an otherwise permanent problem. It causes more stress. And it ultimately makes us feel worse about ourselves.

  • Take a moment to consider…

    • …That before meeting a woman, instead of worrying whether or not she will like you, you could wonder if you will like her.

    •  …That instead of feeling the need to impress her, you could wonder if she impresses you.

    •  …That instead of sitting there silently wondering what to say next to make her like you, you could sit there silently wondering what she will say to make you like her.

    • …That instead of waiting around for her to call, you could find something else to do while she waits for your call.

    • …That instead of worrying if you’re tall enough or good-looking enough or skinny enough, you could decide whether they’re too superficial to recognize your great qualities.

    •  …That instead of trying to come up with the perfect date, you could decide that a woman who really likes you for you doesn’t need a perfect date. 

    • …That instead of looking for a conversation she’ll enjoy, you could talk about something you enjoy and see if she takes interest.

    •  …That instead of looking for her approval, you could decide whether or not to give yours. 

    • …That instead of getting upset about why she doesn’t want to be with you, you could decide that it means you probably wouldn’t want to be with her.

  • The only real dating advice is self-improvement. Work on yourself. Conquer your anxieties. Resolve your shame. Take care of yourself and those who are important to you. Love yourself. Otherwise no, one else will.

  • Women with any self-worth will pass up on a narcissistic man in a heartbeat. She sees right through his macho veneer. But low self-esteem women, particularly women with truckloads of emotional problems or a history of abuse, will gladly throw themselves onto the narcissistic man and bring him down with them.

  • Narcissism comes in many varieties but usually boils down to this: focusing on your own wants and desires to the point of imposing them onto others. Exaggerate your dominance and boast of your strength. Accept no wrongdoing. Admit no faults. Blame others for your problems. Go out of your way to make others feel smaller so that you appear bigger.

 

Chapter 2: The power in vulnerability 

 

  • making yourself vulnerable doesn’t just mean being willing to share your fears or insecurities. It can mean putting yourself in a position where you can be rejected, saying a joke that may not be funny, asserting an opinion that may offend others, introducing yourself to a group of people you don’t know, telling a woman that you like her and want to date her. All of these things require you to stick your neck out on the line emotionally in some way. You’re making yourself vulnerable when you do them.

  • In this way, vulnerability represents a form of power, a deep and subtle form of power. It’s courageous, even.

  • Show your rough edges. Stop trying to be perfect. Expose yourself and share yourself without inhibition. Take the rejections and lumps and move on because you’re a bigger and stronger man. And when you find a woman who loves who you are (and you will), revel in her affection.

  • Pain Period: The pain period typically happens in the beginning of the change and forming a new habit. It’s the period of greatest resistance and discomfort and the period in which most people give up.

  • Early on, when the neediness and vulnerability come out, it's awful. It’s not sexy. In fact, it’s usually incredibly unattractive and uncomfortable. Slowly, you become comfortable with it. You become unattached to it. And then you become OK with it.

  • Ultimately, what women want — what we all really want — is a strong, independent, non-needy partner who fulfills us, who we can share ourselves with and receive them in return.

  • Stop looking at communication as the surface information and instead, pay attention to the emotions and motivations motivations behind everything that you do and say. That's where all of the meaning is.

  • So the catch is that everything you say must be as authentic as possible. There’s no shortcut. There are no tricks. You say it because you mean it and mean it because you say it. The more nervous it makes you, the better, because it means you’re being authentic and making yourself vulnerable.

 

Chapter 3: The Gift Of Truth

 

  • Men avoid demonstrating an honest interest in a woman because they believe it will signify that they are too invested in her — i.e., it will show that they are needy. But remember, it’s not the actual behaviors or words themselves, it’s the intentions behind those words. There’s a world of sub-communication going on behind a man’s honest declaration of his interest. And it’s an attractive one.

  • You cannot fake non-neediness for more than a moment. The only women you will manage to fake are women who are drunk or who are extremely needy themselves. Truth.

  • human nature is such that we don’t trust people who like us if we don’t feel as though we earned it somehow. Imagine if some stranger came up to you, started complimenting you incessantly, buying you things, how would you react?

  • Here’s the litmus test. Look at your actions and words around women and look at the intentions behind them. These intentions are always speaking ten times louder than your actual words.

  • Non-neediness means you respect yourself AND others. Narcissism means you only respect yourself. Neediness means you only respect others.

  • If you feel like you have some serious emotional issues or believe that for whatever reason you’re basing an insanely high amount of your identity on how women respond to you, then I recommend therapy. Therapy has a lot of negative stereotypes and judgments that come along with it, but if you take the time to find a good therapist who you trust and gel with, then it can be extremely helpful.

  • There are two main reasons that prevent attracted women from being with you, and they are both quite common: I call them friction and projection.

    • Friction is when a woman finds you to be an attractive man, but there are value differences or external circumstances that prevent her from acting on that attraction or being interested in you. Friction can be religious, cultural or simply due to poor logistics.

    • Projection is completely different. There are a lot of women who, for whatever reason, are afraid of their own sexuality and/or openly sexual men. They harbor trust issues and resentment with men. Usually, this is because they have a history of some sort of emotional/sexual abuse and/or they’ve experienced a long string of disappointments with the men in their life.

 

Part 2: Strategy

 

Chapter 4: Polarization

  • Rejection exists for a reason — it’s a means to keep people apart who are not good for each other.

  • Men don’t seem to understand that if a woman rejects him because he’s short, or because she doesn’t like his hair, or because she finds him boring, then he wasn’t going to enjoy being around her anyway.

  • Ask yourself this: why would you want to be intimate with someone who doesn't appreciate you? Why would you ever settle for such a person? Because she's hot? Come on, have a little more self-respect. Have some higher standards.

  • Three Categories Of Women

    • Uncreceptive: Women who are Unreceptive are just that: they’re unavailable and/or uninterested in having a sexual/romantic relationship with you.

      • Reasons for reception:

        • You’re far needier than she is, and she’s therefore not attracted to you. -

        •  She has a boyfriend/husband and is happy in her relationship. - 

        • There’s too much friction preventing her from being willing to date you, such as a difference in values, difference in interests, bad logistics, etc. - 

        • She’s not interested or looking for any man at the moment.

      • The way to tell if a woman is Unreceptive is if she repeatedly does not reciprocate your signs of interest and/or shows you signs of disinterest.

    • Neutral:: Typically, a man knows within a few seconds if he’s willing to meet and even sleep with a woman or not.        Women aren’t like that. They spend a lot of time being unsure about a man and need to be swayed one way or the other.

      • The important thing to know is that women do not ever stay in this category. They eventually polarize one way or the other. And if you never make an advance or show interest in them, then they will usually polarize towards being Unreceptive

      • The goal with Neutral women is to polarize them through your words and behaviors. This may mean flirting with them or teasing them. It may mean asking her on a date.

    • Receptive: women who are Receptive are women who are sexually/romantically attracted to you. You can recognize women who are Receptive in two ways: 1) they initiate with you, and/or 2) they reciprocate your actions enthusiastically.

      • Examples of their initiation:

        • - She makes strong eye contact with you and doesn’t break it. 

        • - She approaches you. 

        • - She touches you unprovoked. 

        • - She asks for your number or invites you out with her/her friends. - 

        • She asks you a lot of questions about yourself and seems genuinely interested in you.

        • She introduces you to her friends. 

        • She gives you her number.

        •  She comes up with some excuse/story/reason for you to hang out with her or spend time with her.

      • most women, especially very beautiful women, even if they’re attracted to you, won’t initiate with you. Remember, women tend to be less invested before sex, therefore, they (usually) expect men to initiate in the beginning. There are also strong cultural pressures on women to wait for the man to initiate.

      • Here are some other common examples of reciprocation: -

        •  She ignores her friends to stay and talk to you. - 

        • She keeps very strong eye contact and laughs a little too much at everything you say. - 

        • When you touch her, she touches you in return. - 

        • When you put your arm around her, she leans into you. - 

        • When you take her hand to move somewhere, she holds it in return. - 

        • When you ask her out on a date, she offers a place to go or mentions something she’d like to do with you.

  • STRATEGIES FOR EACH CATEGORY

    • The goal with Unreceptive women is to identify them and move on as quickly as possible. They’re time sinks. Typically, if women are Unreceptive, they’re Unreceptive for a good reason, and it has little to do with you

    • I strongly believe in the idea of “Fuck Yes or No.” That is, I want women to say “Fuck Yes,” once they’ve gotten to know me. And if they aren’t enthusiastic and excited about being with me, then I’m not interested in them anymore.

    • You must indicate some sort of sexual interest early on. Otherwise, the longer you wait, the harder it gets and the more likely she will become Unreceptive to you.

    • When you express your truth to women, you will polarize them — they will either become Receptive to you or they will make themselves Unreceptive.

    • As you can see, Neutral women are where so-called “game” comes into play. Having good game means you can take a woman who is Neutral and incite her to become Receptive to you quickly. You do this by making yourself vulnerable, sharing yourself unabashedly, and polarizing her one way or the other and being comfortable with either result.

    • Finally, we have the Receptive women. Finding these are the best because they are the most rewarding interactions while requiring the least amount of effort. When you meet a Receptive woman, the goal is simple. You escalate. You make a move. You move things forward — assuming you want to, of course.

  • The fact is that sexuality, attraction, and relationships are, by their very nature, confrontational and controversial. You have to either make the decision to accept being controversial and confrontational or you need to accept that you will go through life with everyone being Neutral towards you.

  • Surprisingly, a lot of women will react warmly to these advances, even if they’re not interested and reject you. They respect a man who is bold and honest.

 

Chapter 5: Rejection ^ Success-

  • men who fear rejection tend to be oblivious to their own truth because if they were aware of their own desires, needs and values, what would they have to be afraid of? Why would they ever hesitate to expose their vulnerability to others?

  • Instead of thinking, “I wonder if she’ll like me,” think, “I wonder what she’s like?”, Instead of thinking, “I hope she doesn’t reject me,” think, “I hope I'll find out if she’s right for me.”

  • Success = Maximizing happiness with whichever woman/women we prefer

  • There are three ways in which we are honest. And those three ways will make up the bulk of this book. The three ways are 1) living based on our values (lifestyle); 2) becoming comfortable with our intentions (boldness), and 3) by expressing our sexuality freely (communication).

  • The first way of expressing our truth involves developing a lifestyle that makes us happy. The second way of expressing truth is by being courageous and fighting through our fears and anxieties. And the third way of expressing truth is by communicating well and being uninhibited in our sexuality.

 

Chapter 6: The 3 Fundamentals

  • The 3 fundamentals are:

    • 1. Honest Living: Creating an attractive and enriching lifestyle 

      • Honest Living correlates directly with the quality of women that you will attract. The more in-tune you are to your lifestyle, the more you take care of your appearance and your health, the higher the quality of women you will attract and the greater percentage of Receptive women you’ll meet.

    • 2.Honest Action: Overcoming your fears and anxiety around socializing, intimacy and sexuality : 

      • Honest Action is overcoming your fear and anxiety around women. Our anxiety is another form in which we highly invest ourselves in others’ perceptions and avoid our truth. Like a poor lifestyle, it also seems to be embedded in us and it’s something that requires a lot of thought and effort to repair over a longer period of time.

      • Honest Action correlates directly to the quantity of women you meet and attract.

      • If you see a beautiful woman and have a desire to meet her, to not take action and meet her is a form of being dishonest with yourself.

    • 3. Honest Communication: Mastering the expression of your emotions and communicating fluidly 

      • Honest Communication will determine the efficiency with which you are able to attract women who are compatible to you. A man who communicates poorly or is unable to express himself clearly will lose a lot of romantic opportunities to “lost in translation” situations — misunderstandings, vague communications, inaccurate assumptions, etc.

  • Two Types of men:

    1. Socially Anxious: tend to have the third fundamental down very well. They’re good at expressing themselves and are very aware of social norms and what others are thinking/feeling.

    2. Socially Disconnected: These are men who have always been a little bit “oblivious” to what others think and feel around them. Usually, they’re guys who have always kind of kept to themselves and grew up more interested in their studies or some nerdy subject than the people around them.

      • The struggle for men in this category is going to be the third fundamental: learning how to express themselves and understanding how people think and feel around them.

  • The idea is to become socially connected and fearless at the same time and have an awesome and attractive lifestyle. The full package. The Three Fundamentals.

 

Part 3: Honest Living

 

Chapter 7: Demographics

  • The theory of demographics is simple and easy to remember: like attracts like. You attract what you are.

  • If you hate what she loves and she hates what you love, it’s not going to go anywhere. Period. The answer isn’t replacing your identity and passions; the answer is to expand your identity and passions. Expand it to include new and interesting activities, new modes of expression, and new ways of presenting yourself.

  • Lifestyle Choices:

    • The theory of demographics has advantages as well: if you play to your strengths — i.e., if you focus your time and energy on meeting women in situations where they are likely to share your values, interests, and needs — then you’re going to not only experience a much higher degree of success, but you’re going to meet women you enjoy a lot more.

    • What I recommend to every man before he even begins talking to women is to sit down for a while and ask himself a few questions:

      • What do you value in a woman? Honesty? Beauty? Affection? Intelligence? Curiosity? Similar interests? Education? Obviously, the answer is “all of the above”, right? So let me rephrase the question: what do you value the most? What is an absolute deal-breaker in the women you date? Prioritize what you look for in a woman. This will help you decide where to look.

      •  Women with the traits that you value, where do they frequent? Where are you most likely to find them?

      • What do you enjoy doing most? Do you love to read/write? Do you play music? Do you enjoy sports and competitions? What are the events or organizations that you can become involved in that explore your hobbies?

      • If you don’t know what your passions and interests are, take a minute and write down things that you’ve always wanted to do but have never had the time or never worked up the nerve to do. Make a promise to yourself to get involved in that activity or event in some way.

    • Demographics affect every interaction you have with women. If there is too large of a demographic mismatch, then the friction will be incredibly high, and no matter how attractive you are, she will not be able to connect with you.

  • Beliefs & Self selection:

    • The idea is that our beliefs are reflected in our behaviour, and behaviour determines which (and how many) women are attracted to us 

    • Another example is the belief that women want and enjoy sex as much as men do. This belief was a big one for me. Many men don’t believe that women actually enjoy or fantasize about sex. So how would this belief affect your behavior and screen the women who are attracted to you? If you believe women don’t or shouldn’t enjoy sex, then the women who do enjoy sex will most likely not feel comfortable expressing their sexuality around you.

  • Age, Money & Looks

    • The fact remains that women perceive men with money the same way we perceive women with good looks: as social status.

    • “Only lazy women are interested in men with money because they don’t have anything else going for them.”

    • The more money/looks/success you have, the less attractive behavior you need. The less money/looks/success you have, the more attractive behavior you need.

    • The key is to 1) recognize your personal interests and strengths, and 2) build upon those personal interests and strengths to quickly attract women in your preferred demographic.

  • Social Proof

    • The idea is that as humans when we see many other people valuing something, we will unconsciously value it ourselves. For instance, if everybody else is talking about a new movie, we are more likely to want to see it because we’ll unconsciously assume that it’s a good or important movie to see.

    • Social proof only functions within a demographic itself. That’s why once you’ve narrowed down your demographic, you want to cultivate your connections and put yourself into as big of a leadership position as possible.

    • Don’t just pursue your interests, become a leader in your interests. Don’t just choose a demographic of women to meet, dominate the demographic.. 

  • Being something vs. Saying something 

    • Women are attracted to your identity. Words mean nothing. What you say is only a means to buy you enough time to show her that identity. Notice I said “show her” not “tell her.”

    • Trying to impress women by flaunting an image of what you think is attractive will always backfire.

    • When you’re focused so much on performing rather than actually being – then you are out of touch with your identity, who you are, and what you want. And when you’re out of touch with yourself, you will fall into the abyss of vague and empty demographics. You will aimlessly claw for whatever woman comes near you. You will be left bewildered at how you seem unable to polarize anyone.

 

Chapter 8: Lifestyle & Presentation

  • Not everybody is born good-looking. But any man, with some time and effort, can become attractive. And in the end, what women want is a man who is attractive.

  • A makeover and wardrobe change can make meeting and dating women three times easier literally overnight. Not to mention all of the psychological side benefits of making you feel more confident, more interesting, more excited, etc.

  • If there was such a thing it would be the two F’s. Bar none, fitness and fashion will do more to attract women in a shorter amount of time than anything else you can do. Being in decent shape and dressing well will make every phase of the process easier and smoother, from meeting women, to attracting them, to getting physical with them, to dating them, to staying in a relationship with them. There literally is no downside to either one.

  • Fashion & Fitness

    • Fashion: 

      • Wear clothes that fit : 

      • Wear clothes that match : 

      • Dress to your personality

    • Fitness

      • Workout everday

      • Clean up your diet

  • Vocal Tonality

    • Vocal tonality is definitely overlooked by men. It’s not just having a sexy voice that’s important; it’s having an expressive and a loud voice.

    • We actually have two “voices”: a “head” voice and a “chest” voice.Here’s a cool exercise that you can do. Read the following sentence aloud: “Do you want to get a drink Thursday night?” Now, hold your nose and read it again. How different is your tonality? If it’s not very different, you already speak largely from your chest and probably have good tonality. If you suddenly sound very nasal when you hold your nose and say it, you need to work on speaking with a deeper voice.

  • Developing Character

    • Ask yourself this: If you were lined up next to 10 random, single men from your town, what would make you stand out from them? Imagine a woman met all 10 of you in a row. What is there about you that would stop her dead in her tracks and make her say, "Wow, this man is unique?" What do you have that they don’t? What can you offer that most other men can’t?

  • Get your life taken care of. Get healthy. Find a happy group of friends. Find a few hobbies that you love. Develop opinions. Start caring about what you spend your time doing. This increases your self-investment and will make you less needy around others. This, in turn, will give you the courage to take the correct action and the wherewithal to communicate effectively. This is honest living.

 

Part 4: Honest Action

 

Chapter 9: What are your stories?

  • Whether you feel incredibly nervous before you approach, or if you procrastinate calling women you’ve met, or if you tell yourself that you suddenly magically “don’t feel like” having sex when you’re out on a date with a girl even though she’s obviously into you and wants to go home with you, this is your subconscious resisting change. And your mind is inventing stories to explain that resistance.

  • These stories have emotions tied to them, whether they’re fear, boredom, anger, shame, or whatever — which contribute to keeping you in the same place you are right now. It’s your emotional inertia. It’s the status quo. The mechanisms wired into you to keep you there, safe. And we all have them.

  • What stories do you tell yourself? Because until you’re aware of your stories, you’re not going to be able to change your behavior. Maybe you get very nervous in bars and clubs and tell yourself stories of inadequacy. “Girls like that only like tall guys with muscles.” Or maybe you tell yourself, “I’ll start approaching after a few drinks.” Or maybe you tell yourself that you’re always in too much of a hurry, too busy to stop and say hello to a woman in a coffee shop.

  • So what are your stories? What do you tell yourself to justify that internal resistance inside you? And what stories can you tell yourself instead to remove as much of that resistance as possible?

  • The only important "skill" in dating is learning how to stop buying into your own bullshit, to stop believing your own stories. The resistance is constant. So you must constantly fight against it,Sure, you’ll have to flex your mental and emotional muscles, and build up your body of self-awareness, but here’s the good news: those are the muscles chicks actually dig.

  • Defense Mechanisms

    • Most of us have a lot of fear and shame bundled up in our sexuality. These fears usually manifest themselves in a handful of very specific scenarios: - 

      • Fear of approaching and starting a conversation with an attractive woman

      •  - Fear of stating sexual interest either directly or indirectly (by asking for a phone number, calling a phone number, asking her out on a date, etc.) 

      • - Fear of initiating sexual contact (typically the first kiss situation) 

      • - Fear of actual sexual intercourse

    • These anxieties are manifestations of neediness and an unwillingness to be vulnerable. Typically, the needier you are in a certain area, the more anxiety you’ll have in that area.

    • The first step to overcoming your fears is to figure out what your pattern is. When we are confronted with our fears or anxieties, we have a pattern or strategy that we usually use to deal with them. Here are the most common patterns

      • 1. Blame Game — The Blame Game is where, when confronted with something he’s afraid of, a man blames someone or something else for his fear.

        • The awful part of the blame game is that with it come anger and frustration. And if you do it enough, the anger will pile up and you will end up with some pretty bitter and irrational beliefs about women.

      • 2. Apathy and Avoidance — This has always been my Achilles’ heel, and it’s quite common. Experiencing apathy and avoidance is exactly as it says: it’s when a man convinces himself that he doesn’t care or that it’s not important to him.

      • 3. Intellectualizing — I guarantee that this is part of the reason you’re here: you have some sort of fear, anxiety or pain related to women, and instead of actually doing something about it, you got online and decided to look up an answer that you could study.

        • There comes a certain point where learning more about a subject is no longer beneficial and on the contrary, is just going to get you more mixed up and confused, since you have no experience to actually apply your knowledge to.

    • The blame game guy will convince himself that it’s her fault. The apathy guy will convince himself that it doesn’t matter. The intellectualizing guy will convince himself that he needs to learn and understand more first.

    • So here are some helpful ways to break your own pattern:

      • 1. Take a moment and think about what you’re most anxious about. Is it approaching? Is it showing sexual interest? Is it asking a woman out? Is it the first kiss?

      • 2. Now write down your pattern with it. So for instance, “Calling women, pattern is apathy,” or “Approaching women, pattern is blame game.”

      • 3. Now, create a goal for yourself, for instance, “Call every phone number I get, no matter how much I don’t care.” Write it down.

      • 4. Tell a friend or a buddy what you plan on doing and ask him to keep you accountable.

    • You are not a victim

      • Men make negative assumptions and stereotypes about millions of women for no other reason than to shirk responsibility for their own shortcomings. This appears to me to be nothing but a victim mentality and it pervades a lot of men’s thinking, some in more obvious ways than others.

      • Challenge yourself to find the good and beautiful thing inside of everyone. It’s there. It’s your job to find it. Not their job to show you.

    • Sexual Motivation

      • Porn harms your motivation to pursue women in real life.

      • The problem is that there are some negative side effects. The first being that porn creates very, very unrealistic expectations about sex, about women, and about sexuality. Porn makes money by accentuating and exaggerating sexual ideals.

      • My patented masturbation and porn diet that I give to men.

        • End all pornography immediately. Starting today. Delete everything from your computer. Throw out any discs or DVDs you have. And if you have trouble controlling your urges, download some free website blocking software and block every porn site you know of indefinitely. This may sound horrible or extreme, but trust me. You will thank me in a month.

        • Limit your masturbation to once a week. Schedule it. Pick a day. I usually pick Monday. Do not deviate from your masturbation schedule! If you want even a larger dose of motivation (and you want to be as horny as a 14-year old), limit your masturbation to once every other week. Again, pick a day and hold yourself to it.

        • When you masturbate, you’re only allowed to fantasize about women you’ve met and have not had sex with. It could be that woman at work. That girl you met Saturday night. The girl you have a date with that week. Whatever. But she has to be real, and she has to be someone you have not slept with (but obviously want to).

        • When you masturbate, use lotion or lube. Do it slower than usual. Drag it out longer than 10 minutes if you can. Take your time with it. Enjoy it. You don’t get to do this every day, remember?

 

Chapter 10: How to overcome anxiety?

  • Rejecting people, whether you’re doing it blatantly (“Go away and leave me alone”) or indirectly (“Oh, I’m actually really busy this weekend, maybe another time”) is actually an awkward and uncomfortable situation that nobody enjoys.

  • Why do women spend so much time and effort on their appearance? Why do they go to singles’ bars and join dating sites and give blind dates a try? They don’t do it so that they can revel in rejecting a bunch of guys. They’re just as lonely and frustrated as we are.

  • She wants you to be that man. She’s secretly rooting for you. She doesn’t want to reject you. Every time a new man walks up to her, she’s secretly saying to herself, “Please, please, please be the man. Be the attractive man that I can’t say no to.”

  • She goes out looking for: the man who can make her feel more alive.

  • The Guide to Overcoming Your Anxiety

    • Fear is normal. Everyone has it in some form, and it's not going away anytime soon. The trick isn't to eliminate it; it's simply to train yourself to behave despite it.

    • The proper way to handle your fear and your anxiety is to accept it, recognize that it’s normal and a part of who you are, and to not even try to hide it from the woman you’re meeting.

    • So it’s less about the anxiety and more about how competent you feel you are. The less competent you feel, the more the anxiety will hinder you, the more confident you are in your ability, the more the anxiety will help you.

    • The way to attack anxieties is through incremental, consistent exposure. Not single, extreme exposure. So for instance, you could take an afternoon or your lunch break each day and make a point to approach a few women just asking for the time. Nothing more is required, just ask what time it is. Find something easy, but repeat it regularly for a while, until it doesn’t feel difficult anymore. Then the next week, you go out and ask women what time it is followed by, “How is your day going?” And each day, you slowly make it harder and more intensive.

    • Afraid to kiss girls on a date? Challenge yourself first to hold their hand. Once you’ve done that a few times, then challenge yourself to put your arm around them and leave it there. Once you’ve done that a few times, then challenge yourself to kiss them on the cheek. And finally, challenge yourself to go for the kiss itself.

    • But the important part is to stair-step your approach rather than expecting yourself to immediately immediately be banging girls by the dozen after a week.

  • Courage & Boldness

    • Courage is a habit. Courage is a form of discipline. It’s taking a certain action even though you feel like doing something else. The difference here is that courage involves acting against fear, whereas discipline involves acting against laziness or fatigue.

    • Bold actions require a lot of vulnerability and build non-neediness.

    • This is why if you’re ever going to do something that is unusual — approach a woman in a strange location, try to kiss her in a strange location, invite her out with you after just meeting her, etc. — it’s important that you communicate that you realize what you’re doing is abnormal.

    • The bolder your action, the greater attraction you’re going to create. The bolder the action, the more vulnerability you show, and the more you polarize responses

 

Part 5: Honest Communication

 

Chapter 11: Your Intentions

  • Men mostly communicate through facts, stories, and data. Women communicate more in feelings and, more specifically, through intentions.

  • The fact that men are oblivious to the emotions and intentions that underline everything women say often makes women feel like men are “heartless,” “cold," "assholes,” “selfish jerks,” or that they “don’t listen.”

  • Creepiness

    • There’s no such thing as a man who is adored by women who isn’t also creepy some of the time.

    • The fact of life is that if you are a man who expresses his sexuality freely (and you should), some women, some of the time, are going to find you creepy. It’s simply unavoidable. No matter how cool, rich, good-looking and charming you are, at some point, somewhere a woman is going to be creeped out by you. Live with it.

    • Simply accept that sometimes, miscommunications happen, awkward situations occur, and things get misconstrued. Such is life. As long as you’re respectful in how you express yourself, there should never be a serious problem.

    • Creepiness is behaving in a way that makes a woman feel insecure sexually.

    • The more vulnerable a woman is willing to be around you, the less likely you will be to creep her out.

    • Bad body language, strange conversation topics, uncalibrated humor, inappropriate touching — these things can all make you creepy even with the best of intentions. This is why I say that at some point you have to accept that you’re going to creep some women out and that’s OK.

  • Sexual Tension

    • Flirting is expressing your sexuality to a woman in a way that makes her feel secure expressing her sexuality back towards you.

    • Scientific research shows that sexual tension builds when the uncertainty of potential sexual possibilities is presented in an interaction.

    • One can state one’s sexual desires clearly or actually even move to make those sexual desires happen. It’s counterintuitive, but this can generate a lot of uncertainty and sexual tension as well.

    • The teasing will help by creating the perception of non-neediness, and the boldness will make women more and more receptive to your eventual sexual advances.

  • Developing an emotional connection

    • the blueprint of seduction: a strong, high status, attractive exterior (lifestyle and looks), fearless, and able to open up and share your vulnerable side with her. Women get weak in the knees for this shit. And it’s not even conscious most of the time.

    • All that’s required is a certain level of emotional self-awareness and vulnerability in your interactions.

    • Feeling slutty is about sleeping with a man who doesn't care about her or who hasn’t connected with her. If she doesn't trust you or isn't 100% convinced that you really like her and care about her, then she's not going to do it.

    • And the most important rule of emotional connection is to relate to feelings, not facts. Seduction is about feelings, not facts.

    • Be careful though, some women will feel cheated if you get too close to them without following through on any sort of commitment. Our culture has hammered it into women’s head that emotion equals commitment equals happily-ever-after, but that’s just rarely the case.

 

Chapter 12: How to improve your flirting

  • The more clearly we express ourselves and show sexual interest, the more likely we’ll be able to connect with women in a sexual and emotional way.

  • First Impressions

    • The exact words you say are far less important than your intentions and level of anxiety.

    • Guidelines for a good first impressions

      • Do not startle or scare her when you approach her. This is possibly the only death knell for approaching women. If you startle her or scare her when she first meets you, in my experience, there is almost absolutely nothing you can do to recover.

      • When in doubt on how to approach a woman, simply walk up and introduce yourself and explain to her that you wanted to meet her.

      • Don’t linger. If you linger and hover around her, it’s almost guaranteed to make the approach feel awkward and forced.

      • Smile. Always smile. Don’t smile like the Joker from the Batman movies smiles. But smile like you’re a nice, friendly person.

  • Conversation Skills

    • You should cold read as much as possible. Any time you’re asking a question that requires a factual answer, take a stab at the answer instead of asking.

    • Story Arc (How to tell a good story):

      • Set Up: The set up is exactly that: you’re setting the scene or the context for what you’re about to say. It’s the foundation of what’s about to be told, and if you don’t set up properly, then your stories, jokes, and ideas will always seem to be random.

      • Content/Conflict: After setting up what you’re going to talk about, you get into the actual content. This can also be the “conflict” in your story. Whatever it is, it’s something that causes tension and expectancy. The content of your story needs to be intriguing and hook people into wanting to know what will happen next.

      • Resolution: The resolution releases the tension from the conflict or content. Resolutions can come in forms of punchlines (for jokes), conclusions (for ideas), or just closure for a generic story.

      • Relating and Connecting: The final goal of a successful conversation is to actually make a personal connection with the woman you’re talking to.

  • Humor

    • There’s an old saying, if you can make a woman laugh then you can get her to laugh right into bed.

    • Types of humor:

      • Exaggeration: Exaggeration is another mainstay of humor and something that everyone should be able to use. Exaggeration is when you take a quality about something, and blow it completely out of proportion, often in a creative or interesting way.

      • Roleplaying and Games: Games and roleplaying are quick and easy ways to inject fun into any interaction with a woman. They’re playful. And they open up plenty of opportunities for other types of humor when you use them.

        • For instance, fuck/marry/kill is easy. You point to three random people in the room and you say, “OK, out of those three people, who would you fuck, who would marry, and who would you kill, and why?”

      • If you find yourself having a lot of trouble with humor, I recommend watching a lot of stand-up comedians. Some of my favorites are Louis CK, George Carlin, and Bill Hicks.

 

Chapter 13: The Dating Process

  • The process almost always involves the following: trading of contact details, talking through text or phone conversations, going on dates, sex, and figuring out what kind of relationship (if any) will result. Usually (but not always) in that order.

  • The perfect date

    • When to Go on Dates: Don’t do lunch dates, and never make an afternoon date the first date if possible. Just don’t do it. For whatever reason, nothing says, “let’s just be friends” more than having lunch together.

    • Avoid dinner dates if at all possible. They’re cliché. They can be somewhat impersonal depending on where you eat.

    • Good date locations are locations that are active, participatory,

    • This may sound weird to you, but this is key. Most men do dinner and then sit at the table for another hour chatting away. There’s little flirting. No activity. No touching. No sense of dynamics or change. On our dates, we are doing things — lots of things. We’re going bowling, having drinks, dancing, checking out statues in the park and carriage riding — all in three hours.

    • How to Behave on a Date: As I mentioned before, you want your dates to be interactive. You want to be able to walk around, be able to touch and be as interactive as possible. The underlying concept to have on a date is that you should try to constantly be leading. Every decision should be yours and she should be expected to follow it.

 

Chapter 14: Physicality & Sex

  • One new conclusion in arousal research these days is that female arousal is somewhat narcissistic in nature. Women are turned on by being wanted, by being desired.

  • Those in the men’s dating advice industry have discovered over the past five years or so that the more assertively you pursue a woman, the more aroused she becomes. There’s something almost “magical” about an uninhibited physicality when being with a woman.

  • I’m going to say this point-blank: getting physical with women, and getting physical quickly and comfortably, is ultimately the difference between having a lot of female friends, and having a lot of girlfriends and dates.

  • Always respect her boundaries and clarify as early as possible what she’s comfortable with and what her expectations are. Not only is this the vulnerable thing to do, it’s also the respectful thing to do.)

  • The best way to touch is to integrate physicality into your conversation. For example, using games such as thumb wars, twirling her like a ballerina, or giving high fives are great ways to initiate physical contact. As the conversation goes on, the better things are going, the more you want to be touching and the more personal you want your touches to be.

  • When to go for the kiss:

    • When it comes to kissing a woman, there’s an old adage amongst dating coaches: if you think you can kiss her, you probably could have ten minutes ago.

    • Think of it this way: it’s much better to try and kiss her and get rejected than to go the whole night without making a move and never knowing what would have been.

    • Some notes on kissing well:

      • - Don’t slobber all over her face. 

      •  Don’t jam your tongue down her throat.

      • Heavy tongue has its place, but it’s usually in the bedroom when you guys are naked.

      •  Don’t peck her like she’s your grandmother. 

      •  Don’t shove your face into hers or apply too much pressure. Kisses are sensual. Imagine you’re massaging her lips with yours.

  • Moving forward & consent

    • The correct answer to any objection is always, “That’s fine. We’ll do whatever you’re comfortable doing.”

    • Physicality is something you have to practice and become comfortable at. Every man develops his own style and personality to how he likes to touch, where he likes to touch, how he likes to move things forward.

  • Sex

    • The more foreplay there is, the hotter your woman’s going to be, the better sex she’s going to have, which means the better sex you’ll have

    • A good place to start is by sucking and massaging her bare breasts. Some girls who like it rougher like it when you gently bite on their nipples, but be careful, not every girl is into that.

    • From there, you should at least finger her or rub her clitoris. Feel how wet she is. If she’s wet, then slowly keep moving things forward.

    • Girls love to be teased. For instance, instead of just shoving your finger inside her and going at it, trying lightly touching her pussy with your fingertips for a few seconds. She’ll go crazy and want you inside her more than ever.

    • Instead of just giving her oral sex, start off slow by kissing the inside of her thighs, inching closer and closer. Create expectation. Make her yearn for whatever you’re about to do to her. Stuff like this drives girls crazy and makes them incredibly horny.

    • How to be good in bed?

      • 1. Be loud. Make noise. Grunt. Breathe hard. Women love this because it makes them feel like they can be loud. And when they’re loud they get off easier and more often.

      • 2. Talk dirty. Tell her how sexy she is. Tell her what you’re going to do to her before you do it. Call her a dirty girl and a horny slut. This may be outside of your comfort zone, but realize that in the bedroom the rules change and logic goes out the window.

      • 3. Get physical. Spank her. Pull her hair. Hold her down with one hand. When you change positions, literally pick her up and move her yourself.

      • 4. Don’t ever ask, “Is this OK? Do you want to do X?” Just do it and stop later if she doesn’t like it and apologize.

      • If you finish way too quickly, try finding a thicker condom. They actually make condoms now that purposely numb your penis so that you can last longer. Try masturbating a few hours before you expect to have sex.

 

Conclusion: Moving Head 

  • The Action Plan is divided up into sections of five tasks or challenges. Once you’ve completed at least four of the tasks in each section, move on to the next section.

  • Level 1: Your Foundation (Complete 5 of 5)

    • Join a gym: If you’re not already a member of a gym, join one. If you’re not familiar with how to work out properly, hire a personal trainer. Make this a weekly habit.

    •  Upgrade your wardrobe: Go out and upgrade your wardrobe based on the recommendations in Chapter 8. Challenge yourself to wear nicer clothes than you’ve ever worn before. It’ll change how you feel about yourself. 

    • Get a nice haircut: Go to a salon and drop the $50 on it.

    • Job security/satisfaction: This is a complicated one, but if you’re not happy with your work situation, take some time and plan a way to fix it. If you work too much, try to find a way to work less. If you’re unemployed, stop everything else and get a job.

    •  Pursue one social hobby regularly: Pick a social hobby and pursue it regularly. You may already have one, but if not, find one. It could be dance classes, public speaking courses, language courses, cooking classes, joining a band, etc. Whatever it is, make it social. That means sitting at home and perfecting your model airplanes doesn’t count.

  • Level 2: Meeting Women (Complete 4 of 5)

    • Figure out demographics: Figure out your demographics based on the recommendations in. Write down the type of women you’d like to meet and the places you enjoy going most. Then find venues or events where those two things intersect. It could be independent rock concerts, it could be art gallery showings, it could be salsa nights. Whatever it is, find your niche and pursue it.

    • Meet 5 women in one day: Self-explanatory 

    • Meet 20 women in one week: Also self-explanatory.

    • Join an online dating site and email 10 women: Also self-explanatory. If you’re under 30 years old, I recommend free dating sites. If you’re over 30 years old, I recommend pay sites.

    • Sign up for a singles or speed dating event: If you have trouble doing the approaching tasks, then this may give you a needed boost in the right direction.

  • Level 3: Getting to know the women (Complete 2 of 3)

    • Hold at least three 30-minute conversations with women you just met: Can be anywhere.

    • Get three phone numbers from women you just met: Just ask, you’ll be surprised how many women will give them to you.

    • Go on two dates: They can come from women you met anywhere.

  • Level 4: Getting Intimate (Complete 2 of 3)

    • Kiss two women: Make sure they’re women you’ve met since reading this book.

    •  Go on a second date with the same woman: Self-explanatory.

    •  Successfully get a woman back to your place: Usually can be done on the second date.

  • Level 5: Getting Sexual (Complete 2 of 2)

    • Have sex with a woman you’ve never had sex with before: Self explanatory

    • Go on three first dates with new women: Self-explanatory.

  • Level 6: Oh, You Mack Daddy, You (Optional)

    • Have sex with a woman you met that same day/night: Again, recommended you do this with a woman you meet in a bar or nightclub. Bringing a woman home you meet during the day is more difficult, but not impossible.

    • Have sex with a woman on the first date: Make sure it’s a damn good date.

    • Kiss three women the day/night you meet them: Can be done on separate nights. Also recommended to do this at a bar or nightclub.

    •  

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